It's just been one of those mornings.

I need to have an article written by next week. Whenever I write an article (at least every two months for my church's ladies' paper), I always think, "I'm going to plan ahead. I will write my next article sometime in the next couple weeks and have it saved and ready to go, so I don't have to come up against a deadline and feel stress about it." And then here I am, one week before the deadline, still no article written, starting to feel a little bit of stress about it.

So I was thinking about it this morning during my devotions and inspiration hit. "Yes!" I thought. "I will still be so much earlier than usual!" The baby was sleeping, settled in for what is usually his longest nap of the day, and I had a fresh cup of coffee. I went to the bedroom to get my laptop, plugged it in, and opened up a Word document. I kid you not, before I had even typed a word, the baby was awake.

He had spit up and was very wet, so we got him cleaned up, changed, new sheets in the crib, and the baby settled in with some toys. Then the phone rang, then I remembered that I needed to call someone else back from yesterday, then I started a load of laundry, then I loaded the dishwasher. Then I cleaned up and changed the baby again from head to toe, thanks to a blow out and the fact that he should probably be wearing the next diaper size already, but I'm cheap and determined to finish out this box. Then the phone rang again, then he was starving and needed to eat, and then he finally went down for a good nap, completely exhausted. This Mommy got a shower, ate a quick lunch, made a cup of tea, and finally sat down to get to that article again. Except now it is three hours after my original brilliant thought and I am having trouble seeing its brilliance now. My blank Word document is just staring back at me.

And so it goes, ad infinitum, all day long. But I wouldn't trade it for anything!

Of course, when I can't quite remember what I'm supposed to be writing, I then get on here and write out a bunch of nonsense for you. :) You're welcome.

Far Above Rubies

I think I've mentioned in the past that I've begun writing for my church's bi-monthly ladies paper, Far Above Rubies. This is a paper that is mostly for our church ladies, and we print it up and distribute it on the first Sunday of every other month. But just in the past year, we've gotten it put online as well, so that we can email it out to those ladies outside of our area who would also like to read it.

So I started writing for a column in that called "A Heart for Wisdom." I thought I'd give you the links here directly to the articles that I've written, in case you want to check them out. While you are on the website, though, you should check out the other articles! There's lots of good stuff there. :)

Keeping One's Heart in an Online World
Discretion
Why You Might Need a Facebook Fast
When Inspiration Turns to Impasse
Learning to Wait in the Culture of NOW
What is in Thine Hand?
Building Up with Social Media

28 weeks

I sit here at my desk and look down just in time to see a little knobby bump move across my stomach. This stage of pregnancy is so amazing to me, and I take great pleasure in being able to feel my baby any time I wish. A little poking and prodding around the sphere of my protruding stomach and I can always find a lump, then surmise on whether it's a head or a rear-end, a knee or an elbow. We've traded the sharper kicks and workout sessions for just general stretching and turning. He's running out of room in there, I imagine. My husband delights in annoying our little baby, by finding the lumps and gently pressing until the baby moves away, indignant at his poking parents, one might imagine.

It all just feels so real and so personal, and it baffles me to hear stories about women who didn't even know they were pregnant until they were in labor. I feel so connected to this little one, so aware of his movements and actions. And yet, he is his own little person, and I wonder so much about what he will be like. What kind of personality will he have? What sorts of things will he enjoy and what will his sense of humor be like? Some of these things can be shaped by environment and exposure, of course, but as any mother of many children will tell you, each child comes pre-shaped and pre-disposed to a large degree, individually different and unique.

We are now counting down the final 12 weeks of pregnancy and I'm starting to get a little panicked over all the things I have yet to DO! It's a busy spring and summer for us, even if we weren't having a baby. There are many things going on in our lives - both personal and church-related. Baby just adds to all this excitement. :) I'm happy with what I do have ready thus far, but I'm looking forward to finishing up some of the more important things in the near future, like a crib and car seat! Both pretty important before baby gets here. :)

Happy 2016!

I miss this blog. I have no idea if anyone is even reading here anymore, so if you are...leave a comment for me. ;) Blogging was such a big part of my life for a long time. It was an outlet that I needed, a way to keep up with friends and family, and I made some good friends through my blog. Since getting married, my priorities have shifted and I wrote very little for the first couple years. In the last year, our church has started a ladies' paper and I am writing for that now. My little bi-monthly column has whet my appetite again, and I find myself writing more in other settings - journaling and writing personal memories to save for myself. I think of this blog often and in some ways, it is hard to come back. I can't promise that I will keep it up! Life is about to change drastically for me in the next few months, but more about that later.

After Ethan's graduation (nearly two years ago now!), he started working at the church full-time. This was such a nice change for us and made our lives so much simpler in a lot of ways. In January of 2015, I had a miscarriage. It seems to me that whenever I go through a significant life change, particularly one that involves other people, it dries up my writing. At that point, I was thinking about writing more and intending to find ways to incorporate blogging back into my life. With my miscarriage, I withdrew quite a bit. I'm not going to go into all the details of that with this post, but I really want to at a later time. The Lord taught me SO MUCH through those months following the death of our baby, and I KNOW that I can't keep those lessons to myself. I drew so much strength from ladies who had walked a similar road, and I want to offer the same encouragement to others as the Lord allows.

My miscarriage started what turned out to be a very trying year for us. I was not well (it took me a long time to recover and just affected me so much more than I ever thought possible) for much of the first half of the year, although our daily lives and responsibilities continued. We bought a house and our spring/summer were spent fixing it up inside and outside. We are now landlords (renting out the basement) and that brought about its own set of drawbacks and blessings. We took a couple trips this past year, but for the most part stayed pretty close to home.

October brought news of Baby #2 on the way and we couldn't be more excited. The first couple months were very touch-and-go as we had some complications. The Lord led us to exactly the Dr that we needed, and we love him so much! He helped us find out some things about me and the way pregnancy treats me. Again, I don't want to go into many details at this point, but there were a few weeks of this year (maybe even months) where we didn't know if we would ever be able to have children. It seemed as if maybe God did not have that in His plan for us. It was a hard pill to swallow, for me at least. More hard lessons, but God gives more and more grace! So to us, this is our miracle baby and we are just so thankful for every day. I am thankful for every horrible pregnancy symptom and discomfort - really and truly! I am in the stage right now where I sit around with starry eyes with every little kick I feel. I'll be 20 weeks in a couple days and we find out next week if our little one is a boy or a girl. Baby is happy and healthy (Mommy too!) and we are anticipating a late May/early June arrival.

I've been reflecting much over the past couple of weeks (I love the turn of the new year!) about how my life has changed in the past three years - how I have changed in the last three years! The Lord is so very gracious and loving and tender to His children. He loves us so much that He doesn't want to leave us where we are. He is constantly finding ways to stretch us and grow us and make us more like Himself. Yes, this past year was hard, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. He is so very good.

So hi to anyone still in this dusty little corner. I hope to be back very soon!

Ethan's Graduation

This past Sunday evening, Ethan graduated from our church's Bible college - Northland Baptist Bible Institute. His graduation coincided with the 40th anniversary of the school, so it was a rather special night! He was the only graduate, and the Silcoxes (Ethan's grandparents) were there for the evening, since Bro. Silcox was the one who started the school 40 years ago.

The Lord has been so good to us! Ethan & I are excited about our future. He finishes his current job in two weeks and will be coming on staff at the church. In some ways, it is a big step, and yet, it just makes sense and will make things a lot simpler in our house. He's picked up a lot of responsibilities at the church over the last year, and rather than trying to fit them in around his work schedule, they will become his work schedule.

I'm so proud of my husband. :o)

In other news, it seems like Spring has finally arrived to North Dakota. We've been able to sleep with an open window for three nights in a row now, which hasn't happened since last September. :)

Long Lost Blogger

It has been some time since I posted here. Well, I guess life happens. :) Actually, what I think the main 'issue' is that I have yet to find a good writing groove that fits with my married life. Before, when I was single, my writing time was always late at night. I would ponder things and roll words around in my mind in the evening, then sit down and type up emails and blog posts when the rest of the world was going to sleep. Now, my evenings are often the only time of day that I get to see and talk to my husband, so writing has understandably taken a back seat to, you know, MARRIAGE. But I do miss it! I find myself wanting to write more and sometimes mulling things over that I want to write down. I guess I need to find that sweet spot where inspiration, time, and opportunity all convene together... and preferably not at the 10pm-1am time window. :)

When I go back over my Instagram feed, it gives a somewhat inaccurate view of life lately. I say inaccurate, because it seems to be about 50% made up of food and 25% made up of snow. The vast majority of the food pictures are pies, and the other 25% not named is made up of Bible reading and nail painting. Well, maybe that is pretty accurate after all! :)

The pies... they just beg to be made 

Sushi night at the Custers! 

Catan night at the Custers!

Looking at my ring and thinking about the man who gave it to me still gives me butterflies ;)

A "spring" day suddenly turned snowy

First official day with the windows open!

I was ecstatic to see melting snow all over the place...

This happened on Pi Day (3-14)

This happened way too late in the year to be fun

Day 1 trying out Jamberry Nails

Day 5... I think?

(My verdict: I like them and would use them for special occasions, although not really everyday or every week use. Definitely want to look into getting a sheet or two!)

Happy are the days we get to be at home together!

Finally, some sandal weather!

I have such fond memories of our First Anniversary trip to Duluth, MN and the Cotton Mansion

That's all I have for now, but for those of you readers who still linger on, please know that I do plan on trying to think about writing more often. :) In other words, no promises, but I am going to make an effort!

A New Year

I discovered something this year that I could well see becoming a trend that will last for the rest of my life. The new year actually doesn't start until somewhere around January 13th!

And here's my reason for saying that... the holidays just seem to extend themselves. New Year's Day and beyond, there was extended family in town and just one event after another - all the Christmas things that didn't happen in December were put on the calendar ASAP in January, but that extended the celebrating well into the first week of the new year. Then our first anniversary was on the 5th, and just because of the way everything worked out, it was easier for us to get away a few days after the actual anniversary date, and so we did. 3 wonderful days and 4 relaxing nights with my love in another town a few hours away. After the absolute craziness of the past two months, it was just what we needed to get caught up on sleep, communication, and fun memories. But that meant we were getting home on a Friday, then there was a weekend, then finally a new week started and it felt like it was THEN that the new year was starting too, when according to the calendar, we were actually halfway in the first month already!

Yes, that's a trend that I can see extending throughout my life, just because of the placement of our anniversary! Also, I've come to the conclusion that I enjoy celebrating anniversaries WAY more than celebrating birthdays, which is something if you know me. :) And I really like having an anniversary right at the beginning of a new year... when the calendar is fresh and the schedule is back to routine, it's the perfect time to reflect on your life as a couple and reconnect a little bit.

We went to Duluth, where I have never been before. Actually, I knew nothing about it other than faint recollections of mountain men and some sort of mining history. Isn't it on a lake somewhere? Isn't there an outdoors catalog-only store named after it? We stayed in a beautiful bed & breakfast which was actually a restored mansion. Reviews on the interwebs helped us pick out fabulous food stops and we did just the right amount of touristy things that we felt we made the most of our time, but still have things we want to do next time we go back. Duluth has a rich history, quite literally since in the early 1900s, there were more millionaires living there than anywhere else in the world. There are a lot of interesting things to do in the summertime, but we enjoyed our winter visit immensely, having one cold but sunny day to drive around, one warmer but cloudy day to get outside and do some exploring, and one rainy day to go shopping.

So here's to a new year, just fresh beginning for me. I'm already loving the 'freshness' of it all... the Christmas decor down and a little sprucing up around the apartment, back to the normal schedule, starting to look ahead to the summer busy-ness and making plans. :)

Merry Christmas!

A Love Story

Originally written for Grace & Honor, February 2010
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Just a poor, beggar girl I am, deserving of nothing. He is so great and so far above me, like a Grand Prince over all - fine, educated, rich, handsome, kind. So far above me - wretched, dirty, stubborn, ugly, stupid me. "What about your self-image?" you might say. And this is my self-image - that I am a dog, that I am a sinner, and that I was incurable.

It's the ultimate love story because he reached down for me. Here is how it all came about, and then you will see what I mean.

I cried out for his pity, not his love, but still I know the only reason I was compelled to cry out was because he first caught my gaze, with his eyes burning into my very soul. I was vile and would have never dared to try, except his look gave me hope.

"Crumbs, my lord! I only ask for crumbs!" I cried out in such fear, for crumbs were too much for me. I deserved nothing at the least, cruel punishment at the fairest, and crumbs from his table were certainly far too good for me.

He didn't give me the crumbs I asked for. He gave me so much more. He loved me, and it seems he was waiting the whole time for me to cry out, just so he could do something to help.

He picked me up from my slump on the ground, brought me home, washed me, and clothed me with robes - robes of righteousness which are his own. He took away my filthy rags, which though a grossly unfair exchange, he was rejoicing to do.

I sit right up at the table with the rest of the family, faring on delights innumerous. The family is like me - all loved by him and brought here without their own merit. A motly crew we may seem, but one thing can be said - we love him dearly.

"A princess!" you may say when you see me - a yes, I am. The daughter of this King, all glorious within, beloved and cherished.

But what you see is all because of him. I am simply a testament to his grace. Anything noteworthy you see of me is evidence that he has changed me. I am the receiver of his goodness, transformed by his power, washed in his blood - all because I asked him for crumbs, and gained his love.

Learning from the Past

Originally written for Grace & Honor, April 2010
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With a quick look around and a sharp intake of breath, Joan slipped into the shadows of the passageway and bent over. Pulling up the hem of her skirt, she loosened the bounds of a cord tied around her ankle. With one swift motion, she picked up the little parcel that had fallen and straightened, flashing a smile around in case anyone caught sight of her strange action.

Clutching the small parcel to her chest, she scurried down the passageway past guards and councilmen, and entered a small room. There several ladies sat near the fire, chatting and amusing themselves before dinner was served. She saw the one she was searching for, a small, grayish woman sitting alone and talking to no one. Recently widowed, with children fighting for her fortune, the shrewd old woman was very lonely. "I brought you a present," Joan whispered as she sat next to the small widow.

The year was 1538, and Joan of Kent was a woman of influential opinions. A cultured and well-educated lady, she was also an avid reader of Tyndale’s English translation of the Bible and used to carry it around with her and give to people at the king’s court. Persecutions against her began, for it was greatly frowned upon for anyone other than clergy to read the Bible for themselves, much less try to understand it and talk about it to others. Due to this persecution, she soon found it necessary to conceal the Bibles. This she did by tying them underneath her clothing, so as to have them out of sight, but still within reach to secretly pass to those she felt would benefit from studying it.

It did not take long for her to be found out. Imagine for a moment what she must have been feeling. She was obviously quite wealthy and quite important. She was educated and reasonable, so why did she find it so necessary to 'push' her ideas of religion on others? I can tell you why. It is because she had met Someone who changed her life. She read the Bible as if it had been written to her and for her, not for the priests to have to explain everything away. Her persistence in giving Bibles away (which cost her much since Bibles were scarce and expensive) showed that she wanted to share with others the greatest gift she had ever found.

As is often the case, while most were tolerable of Joan's acts of Bible-giving and Bible-reading, there were a few who were not, and they were rather vocal in their complaints. She was accused and imprisoned, and the commissioners had many conferences with her to change her mind. They pleaded with her, tried to persuade her, yet she remained steadfast in her beliefs. These beliefs were declared blasphemous and from the devil. What beliefs, you might ask? One of these 'blasphemes' was that Joan declared that Jesus did not obtain any of Mary's fleshly nature in His birth, and she used Scripture to back her claims.

Joan of Kent was burnt at the stake in the year 1538, but her life was not given in vain. She was one of many of our Baptist ancestors who gave their lives to fight for the Bible to be commonly read. It is because of people like Joan of Kent that we are privileged to have a Bible today.

___________________

Lately, I've been surrounding myself with old faces - faces blurred by the past and sometimes hard to define amid the library dust. Delving into history is something that comes naturally to me. I love to hear stories about people, real people like me that lived and loved. Stories about noble conquerors and simple townspeople, fathers and sons, kings and peasants. But when you are digging these stories out of ancient volumes, it is easy to be so busy uncovering the past that you don't put it back together the right way.

It is easy to allow history to stay removed from us. We can hear a story, know about a person's life, have all our facts straight, and not really feel what happened to them. We can be so studious in the knowledge of what happened that we forget the characters in the story were real people too. They had hopes and dreams, feelings and aspirations, disappointments and despair.

Baptist history is one of those arenas of disconnectedness. It's easy to get the facts down about our Baptist forefathers through the centuries, to know mentally about the price they paid for our freedom, and yet somehow forget that they were real people. Behind every great Baptist preacher who endured ridicule and scorn stood a wife or a mother, a family that hurt and endured right along with him. Behind every instance of a martyr stood friends who wept for their dear one, delivered up to the enemy. Behind every betrayal and every intrigue stood the real lives of men and women who stood for what was right, even when it cost them.

You may not think that your life is important or significant. I can guarantee you that most of these, our forefathers in history, thought the same thing about their lives. They were living, breathing people - just like you and me. They went about living their lives, wondering if what they were doing would ever make a difference. Yet the way that they lived their lives - for good or bad - had such a profound impact on our history. We can learn much by looking at the past.

"These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth." (Hebrews 11:13)