November 1, 2010

The first day of November, and I’m finally starting to feel at home. We’ve been here almost a week, and the house is still bare with temporary corners and empty spaces, and probably will be for a while. Saturday I hung curtains, and now they glide in the breeze, edges skimming over the floor like they know they belong. Still I had a hard time envisioning this space for potential and making it mine. I’ve expounded before about the evils of overhead lights, so I purposed that today I would purchase a small table and lamp. I’m here to testify that it made just the difference I was looking for! My room is beginning to take shape, all because of a little warm light. Ideas float in my head, and I have paint chips taped up around a little dresser someone gave to me. I make a list of things to look for, on sale if possible! After months of packing up and cleaning out, and then living out of suitcases, it feels so good to finally be creating a home space instead of tearing one down. Tonight I sit in my room and think of possibilities in this new space, instead of mourning the one that I lost. I’m still sad over the loss, yet I’m excited about moving on. After weeks of feeling displaced and transitory, it’s nice to stay put in one place… at least for now. :)

A picture on the wall shows the beaming smiles of some of my closest friends, and I miss them all so much. I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t hard, because it is. It is hard to just walk away from everything and everyone that I love, but there is really nothing new in it, because it has been the state of my life for the past years. Flipping through my passport on our trip over, I realized that I’ve made at least one international trip every year since I graduated from high school. The majority of those were to Africa, so you can see where I’ve made my second home. The day we arrived in Francistown, we were hot and tired from traveling all day. We had two vehicles, but in order to fit everyone and everything, there were bags stuffed in literally every crevice. It was exciting, but everyone’s nerves were frazzled and all were slightly parched and mildly starved. I have to be perfectly honest and say that I was not being very grateful at that moment. Botswana never looked so barren, our house never looked so bad, the road between our house and my brother’s never seemed so long; I was gritting my teeth and getting ready to settle down to a year of miserable. Then who should I see but my dearest Botswanan friend? Though I missed her, written to her, and prayed for her often, when I saw her, I realized just how much I had missed her. The feeling was evidently mutual, for we both started crying on the spot and hugged over and over. It was so wonderful – I realized again just why I am here. She is a new Christian, alone in many respects, and so desirous of learning about God and growing in her faith. She, and many others like her, are the reason we are here. Just like a little warm light in a room, a little warm friendship can make all the difference in the world.

So here I am tonight, musing over how little incidents can make things seem so much better. It’s amazing how much better life will look if only you change your perspective.

“I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.” Martha Washington